Teresa’s Blog

Yesterday was the 4th of July. Independence Day. We spent the day with family, trying to beat the Indiana heat and humidity and fire off some fireworks without losing any limbs. All in all, it was a nice day without any fire related injuries. (Oh, but ask Mark about his big toe!)

The 4th of July always makes me think of our founding fathers and the sacrifices that they and others have made to allow me to live in a free country. But I think that in some respects they got it wrong. Freedom and independence are not the ultimate goal for happy living. God did not design us to live independently. My mother has become an object lesson to me in this respect.

My mother is a wonderful Christian woman, and has been extremely instrumental in my walk of faith. She is also now suffering from senile dementia. Mom took great pride in her self-sufficiency, and instilled that value in her children as well. Now it is really hard on her as she becomes more and more dependent on others around her to help her do even the most simple tasks. “I can do it myself” - a phrase that is repeated from an early age has now been replaced with “I don’t know what I was doing.” It is hard to watch. I didn’t expect to lose my Mom and still have her here, if you know what I mean. My Dad has been taking care of her, and is learning to do things that Mom always did for us. He is so precious. She is having to depend on him for everything. That just isn’t the way it is supposed to be! We are taught that we should not depend on others - pull yourself up by your own bootstraps - be a self-made man - and any number of other tapes that run in your head. I can do it. I can. What’s wrong with me if I can’t do it?

In God’s way of thinking, we weren’t ever supposed to live life alone. We were designed for relationship from the beginning. (Adam meet God. Adam meet Eve. Adam and Eve, meet God and let’s go for a walk.) But learning this model for living is hard! It is a much more complicated way to live my life. I am forced to think about others and not only myself. The House Church that I am a part of is really helping me. I can’t do it myself, I DESPERATELY need God, and I ABSOLUTELY need other believers around me. The truth is, I CAN’T do it myself, no matter how hard I try! Without God, I can do NOTHING, and He has chosen to use other believers as His hands, arms, mouth, and feet on this earth. I don’t have to be involved in “ministry” in the sense of an organized program. I hid behind that for long enough, and I didn’t find relationships that were satisfying. I know that I felt the most satisfied when I had the opportunity to share in someone’s life and to talk about what God was showing them and what He was teaching me. That kind of interaction is coming so much more naturally now. I am so grateful! I am also a bit sad that it has taken me so long to find this kind of fellowship in the church. I’m not faulting the church - heck, I’ve been part of it all my life - I just wish that I’d paid more attention to the Holy Spirit’s leading that kept saying “There is something deeper. Look to Jesus. Enjoy the simplicity of the Good News!” I’m so thankful that God is teaching me that it isn’t too late to lay down MY life and join others in theirs! The need for others in my life is NOT weakness, (which is the lie that I internalized as I was growing up) it is God’s gift to me.

Thank you, God for the way that you seek after us and place us in relationships, so that we can experience the fullness of life that you desire us to have. Help us to receive those you place in our lives with gratitude and love.

This entry was posted on Saturday, July 5th, 2003 at 9:04 pm and is filed under Unloading My Brain. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.